Throwback Thursday

    Oi, it's been awhile. Happy 2015, I guess? Pretty much I'm writing because once again I was reconnected with the lovely people of YES Abroad and it's always so important to me to write about it. Somewhere... anywhere... so here we go!

    Three weeks ago, I was in Chevy Chase, Maryland for the In-Person Selection Event (IPSE), only this time, I was working as a shadower, experienced alumna, and hopeful interviewer. The last time I was at IPSE was three years ago. Three. I watched excited and nervous students come through the doors, making friends with all the other hopefuls, and was instantly sent back into a weird sense of déja vu. Had it really been three whole years since I was that student? Three years since I was meeting up with other kids wanting to be youth ambassadors and seeing my Facebook friends in person and hanging off the words of each alum at my IPSE.

Alumni! 

     As the weekend progressed, I was constantly thrown into memory lane, as I always find myself on any YES Abroad related event. The Alumni Association event in September was probably the worst of them all, especially having Emma from the year after me – who stayed with Nizama and Esad – be there. We bonded and were nostalgic together, craving all the little things Bosnia-Herzegovina had to offer. During a free moment of the conference, Emma and I escaped to Skype our host family and catch up on life. I sat there listening to Emma and the Hujdurs talk freely in Bosnian and I realized how much and how quickly my Bosnian had disintegrated into nearly nothing. I could barely muster out a "Jesam dobro, školi je dobro takoder," before I felt overwhelmed with how much of the language I had forgotten.

    It was interesting to be on the other side of the table during the interviews. I could feel a student's passion or nervousness as tangibly as if it was my own. I knew what they were going through. Yet, there I was, sitting in on interviews and learning what it truly took to be a YES Abroad student. It made me wonder what they thought during my interview. Which then naturally threw me back in to a whirlwind of emotions about missing Bosnia all over again.

    I've been home for nearly two years and I was expecting that by this point in life, I wouldn't be thinking this much about Bosna i Hercegovina. I thought that I'd look back on it as a happy memory and be able to move on with my life. However, I've realized that the farther away I get from BiH, the more I want to be there. Already the fourth generation of YES Abroad BiH students have been chosen and I'm sitting here like the kooky grandma telling them all about this fabulous country. Three out of the five SHAKE girls have already returned to Bosnia since we left and I'm waiting for the day that I get to do the same. I'm at the point where I could live there all over again. Bosnia-Herzegovina isn't just a place to me anymore. It is in my heart and a part of my being and I will do anything I can to return to that country soon.

    Anyway, I hope this post wasn't too terribly sad.

    Until I can return,
- Katie

One More Time Now

    Okay, so it's getting to a point in my life where Bosnia is literally so last year, but so help me, I will talk about this country until I die. So here we go.

    Number one piece of business: It's been a year since my return! Plus a few weeks. My mother told me that I need to let it go (cue Frozen playing in the background) and that I came home a year ago and it's time to just look forward to the rest of my college experience and career and marriage. However, I like remembering the days where life was a little simpler and I didn't have to worry about coughing up $2000 by August for my college downpayment when I don't have a job. Hopefully that will change in the upcoming weeks (or days or, you know, hour. That'd be cool.) and when it does I will gear my attention towards that.

    But as of right now, I'm allowed to reflect on my year abroad because... 

    I was at the YES Abroad PDO once again this past week! This year, working as the group leader for the third generation of Bosnia-Herzegovina students. I felt like some kooky grandma when all these high schoolers are asking me about my experience and I get the privilege to say, "When I was in Bosnia, I walked to school and drank coffee all the time!" This year there are seven students heading off to BiH and two of them are going to be hosted in a city other than Sarajevo, which is crazy considering my year (aka the first year Bosnia was offered), there were only us five SHAKE girls and we were the second smallest group out of the bunch. With seven, we become the largest tied with the kids going to Turkey.

Bosnia-Herzegovina YES Abroad students 2014-2015.

    I did my best to answer any and all of their questions and I found myself remembering details I had merely forgotten because they weren't outright facts. Things like how they carried Kleenex with them at all times and how some men wore murses and how making friends was an easy task due to how friendly everyone is. Okay, so that last bit wasn't something I'd forgotten. To this day I am grateful for all the friendships I've made in Bosnia. Reliving experiences was fun, but it took its toll. When I returned to my room, I went back looking at pictures and contacting my host family and friends, wanting to return immediately and found host-homesickness seeping back into my soul. At least I found a Bosnian restaurant back in Portland that I can go to so I can indulge in ćevapi once again.

    Not only was it fabulous to share experiences and wisdom with the upcoming class of exchange students, but it was just as great to talk about exchange life with other alumni! At the PDO were three other girls from my year, including Sara from SHOCK! Yes, I was very excited. The other girls went to Oman, Turkey, and Sara went to Indonesia. We spent plenty of time talking about return life and host-country life and shared and compared. It's always comforting to talk with other people who went through similar things as you. Maybe not identical, but definitely certain experiences were relatable.

    Anyway, I hope to participate in more YES Abroad events and will pester Skye and Julia and Tara and Elise (sorry guys) until they allow it and hope this is one of many in months/years to come.

    Until further alumni shenanigans,
- Katie

Hangin' with my main man.

Beautiful.

Check out that heavenly glory over the Lincoln Memorial.

Sentiment

    Ah, it's good to be back. Between church, work, school, and what ever else life throws at me, getting around to writing a blog post is sadly one of the last things on my mind.


    Just last week, I attended Ashoka's Youth Venture Social Entrepreneur Workshop which is a fancy title to say that I was in Washington DC for an exchange student alumni workshop for YES and YES Abroad that would give us the tools to address the social issues in our community. There I met, not only other Americans who spent a year in a foreign country, but other international students who spent their year here in the United States. It was so exciting to be surrounded by exchange students again, discussing our home countries and host countries. People from all over the world were in that little coffee colored conference room with common goals and purposes. Young adults from Asia, Africa, Europe, and America all gathered together to be the change makers in their community. 

YES and YES Abroad Alumni

     There, Emma (from SHAKE) was home in DC for Spring Break, so we met up and went out for ćevapi at a Bosnian restaurant not far from my hotel. Attached to the restaurant was a Bosnian grocery store. As I skimmed each *tiny* aisle, I found myself in another nostalgic rut of emotion, wishing I could buy each Munchmallow and Milka bar and blue Fanta bottle to take back with me. As I looked at the items, I heard the store keeper speaking with a man in Bosnian and I could have died, I was so excited. I understood. Not to mention I haven't heard Bosnian in months, so the fact that I knew what they were talking about when my Bosnian is pretty rusty, made my heart swell with joy. Then as we were checking out, the lady had heard us speaking English, so she checked out our items in English, asking if that was all and giving our total. As we left the store, I turned and said, "Hvala puno, dobro večer! (Thank you very much, good evening!)", the shopkeeper looked pleasantly surprised as she stuttered out a "Molim, priatno! (You're welcome, have a good day)" My smile widened and I nearly skipped, I was so happy for that moment of bosanski jezik (Bosnian language).
     As I spent time with my new-found friends from all sorts of countries, it just made me so happy to talk about Bosnia once again in an open environment where people were excited to hear my stories and live my experiences with me, because they had gone through similar events. Lately, the most I've talked about my exchange is sneaking it into essays for school.

     Then, just last month, my sister returned from India after six months teaching English and kid's church at an orphanage that my dad has been highly involved in for quite awhile. For the first couple of weeks that she was back, however, we couldn't find time to have sister time. She was back, but then I got snowed in at school. Then she was off to Hawaii to surprise our cousin. Then I was off to DC for the workshop. On Wednesday was one of the first times we had actually sat down and talked about life. As we sat on the stairs of the church stage after youth group, she looked down looking a bit melancholy.
    "Do you ever miss Bosnia?" She asked, quietly.
    I sighed, probably for added effect and being dramatic. "Everyday," I said. "Don't you miss India?"
    "Of course, but nobody cares anymore. Nobody asks about it."
    "I know." And I knew better than most. People hear your few stories that you have on back up that you want to tell everyone, but after that, they don't find it interesting. You went away, you came back, that's cool, move along. And there is nothing you want more than to find someone you can always go to and just discuss it with. People don't understand the slight changes in your behavior from being away and the only other people who get it, are the people who did the exact same thing as you.

Drinking from the Sebilj - it means you'll one day return to
Sarajevo and I seriously hope this is true.

    After that sister moment and missing our countries, I found myself wanting to speak Bosnian again and so I wrote my host mom and talked to my friends back in Sarajevo. Missing my host country isn't even something that comes and goes anymore, it's a state of my being. Sure, I've established myself back here in Oregon, become a college kid, made more friends, and gone on different adventures, but the thought of my Sarajevo life is always still there. I take any and every opportunity to slip Bosnia into conversation (I'm sorry, a billion times over if this annoys you) and am working ways to take my passion for my love of cultures and writing and mix it together (so far we're at blog posts, articles on Go Abroad, and essays for school. Next stop: everything.). My love for Bosnia won't die down anytime soon and there's nothing I want more than to be back at Panjina Kula with Esad and Nizama or down at a café in Baščaršija with SHAKE or sitting in my Teen Group at Evanđeoska Crkva.

    Anyway, there's my Bosnia love for the day.

    Until next time when I have more sentimental feelings to share,
- Katie





    

Busses

    Ah, exchange blog. I've missed you so much this past month. Shall we be nostalgic together?
    It's strange how such a normal task, even in your home and host country can bring you nostalgia and flashbacks when you start up again.
    This, for me, was taking the bus.

    Before Bosnia, the only busses I ever took were my yellow school bus for a max of ten minutes everyday and that one time I took a smelly, over-crowded bus in Las Vegas. Needless to say, my fondest memories of American life were not on those rides.

    When I arrived in Bosnia, I soon realized public transportation was going to be the main mode I would navigate the city. I wasn't too thrilled. My idea of busses were smelly and noisy and altogether unpleasant. People were grumpy and children were restless and it was the last thing I wanted to join in on. The third or fourth day of me being in Sarajevo, my host sister picked me up after language class and told me we would be taking the bus home. I couldn't imagine why, but that thought made my stomach churn. She told me to pull out 1.60 KM and that when the bus pulled up, I would squeeze my way on to bus, hand my money to the driver, and try to get a seat.
    The seat thing didn't happen.
    The bus quickly filled up and we ended up pressed against the windows on a hot day for the next fifteen minutes, falling into the next person every time we took a sharp turn (aka every thirty seconds).

     In those short ten months, the bus became a normal part of life. Every time I needed to get home, I would wait for bus 72 or 74, board the bus, flash my student pass (even if my bus driver soon started recognizing me and smiled every time I boarded), took a seat (or stood and held on to the bar for dear life) and rode up the mountain to Panjina Kula. Most days, I would sit silently and listen to my iPod or contemplate the next blog post I would write, but every now and then I would talk to the person near me.
     One day it was an elderly lady who asked me if the bus went to Sredrenik, but I didn't understand her at first and I felt disappointed I couldn't help her. But instead of writing me off, she slowed down her speaking and used easier language so I could understand her.
    Another time I sat by an old man who started talking to me about how he visited America when he was a college student.
    I rode up with my friends and showed them the beautiful view from my vantage point.
    By the time my exchange was over, I came to truly enjoy those bus rides. They were simple and uncomplicated unless someone heard me speak English and then I would hear them talking about me being an "amerikanka". That was rare enough though, so, I could deal with the immature teenagers that would confront me and make fun of me.

    Since I returned home, I hadn't ridden the bus since my last full day in Bosnia. No matter where I've gone in America or Canada, there was a car to take me there. I've started taking it for granted and have limited my going places because I don't have any way of getting around on certain days.
    Just last week I was hired for a job that is a straight 77 blocks down the road from my school which would take an hour and a half to walk and nothing important is down there for it to be "on the way" so someone could drive me. Friday was training day and I had to fall back on something I hadn't done in seven months. Public transportation. I looked up the bus schedule and made my way to the stop.
     Well that turned out to be an adventure.
     Firstly, I didn't know where to pay for my ticket and the bus driver got mad at me for being confused. Then I forgot my phone back at campus. Then I arrived twenty minutes early plus the general manager was home sick with the flu so my training was cancelled. Then I realized I didn't know the returning bus schedule so I had to call my mother to get the numbers for one of my friends from church who was currently in Portland and she didn't have them, so I had to call my dad to get them. By the time this whole ordeal was over, I was already exhausted and that wasn't even the majority of my day.

    However, taking the bus reminded me of all those rides in Bosnia, turning around narrow corners and talking to strangers (sorry parents and teachers who told me not to do that). The entire fifteen minute ride to my workplace, I was constantly thinking back to Bosnia and how different it was. The busses weren't hand-me-downs, there wasn't nearly as much graffiti, and absolutely no old people to hold your bags for you. There was so much room between each person, nobody daring sitting next to each other if they could avoid it and I found the whole situation funny.
    Bus rides were a normal, mundane task and here I was thinking back to how different it was and how I actually missed my old bus rides with the beautiful scenery and even the general people (my bus was full of old people)! I'm sure as these next few weeks go by and I take the bus more consistently, I won't think about my bus rides in Bosnia and how it was always an adventure, but instead just think of it as part of the job. But as for now, bus rides are a constant reminder and that's something I'm perfectly okay with.

    Anyway, I have to go do some reading for classes tomorrow, not to mention my sister returns from India tomorrow night! Ah, I am so excited!

    Until more bus rides and coffee,
-Katie

First on the bus with Hels in BiH. It was a nice feeling.

End of the Season

     Ah, here we are on the never completely over blog post where I become nostalgic and go over events of the year. It's crazy to me how much can happen in a single year. Twelve months, fifty-two weeks, 365 days.

    I can't believe that a year ago, I was in Bosnia, a fact I never fully forget, but don't quite always think about it. I would be at Savannah's host family's house watching music videos with the rest of SHAKE (Savannah, Helena, Anna, myself, and Emma for those who forgot. OR YES Abroad BiH 2012-2013 for those who don't even know) and eating the random food on the table. We all called out "Happy New Year" together and watched fireworks go off through the fog and smoke from wood stoves and it was so strange to have celebrated the old year and a new year in a foreign country.

     January: The month that went from zero to a hundred in a few days. First, nothing was happening as I slept in everyday and drank topla čokolada (hot chocolate). Then it was the youth conference in Mostar with some of my best friends and my package came from home and then my wallet got stollen on the tram. After that, January died back down as it slipped into February and into the second semester of school and my exchange.

     February: One of the quietest months I had. Conversations with my host mom, a SHAKE birthday party for Emma when we went bowling, and then my own birthday which was spent alone in my room because I was sick and my host family thought it was the next day.

     March: Life picked up quickly in March, kicking it off with a big youth group day at my church plus guests from Switzerland! It was one of the most fun days I had while being in Sarajevo and I still remember it so well as we dashed through Old Town, laughing until we cried. The next day was my birthday party with SHAKE as we headed up to the top of the mountain to see the view and have sandwiches and throw rocks as far as we could (Helena's could have gone far if it didn't hit a particular target...). Once we returned home, it was the Fruit Loop Catching Challenge and I won and it was lovely.

     April: My spontaneous month, full of impromptu hair cuts (a big deal in girl world, ok?), random photo shoots across Sarajevo, and practically living at my church for a weekend because of concerts and foreigners. SHAKE traveled to Croatia and I went golfing with my friend from church (an interesting experience indeed).

    May: My mother came to visit me in Bosnia this month and we traveled with SHAKE to Croatia again, this time Helena's mom joining us for part of the trip. It was wonderful to have her share part of my experience abroad. Once she left, SHAKE began wrapping up the year and it was so incredibly sad to think we were heading home that next month. We had our last cultural excursion, we talked to the American Ambassador, and another exchange student in Bosnia stayed with me for a few days which was so lovely!

    June: Probably one of the saddest and happiest months I had this year. I said goodbye to all my friends I made from a year abroad and then said hello to my friends and family waiting for me in America and Canada! My life at that point was just a big, jumbled mess of feelings and I didn't quite know what to make of them.

Saying goodbye to my host mom, Nizama!

SHAKE for the last time.

At the ECA for our Bosnia presentation

Finally get to hug my brother!

    July: Went to my home church's camp and it was so fun! My friendships only grew and everything, for that moment, felt just how it should be.

    August: I began my transition into American life again and then into college! My best friend became my roommate and college life vaguely reminded me of Bosnia. It was such a nice, familiar feeling to be meeting so many new people and going to classes again.

    September: Reverse culture shock bit me in the butt during this month, but I tried to ward it off by getting a super part-time job and going on late night Mexican food runs with my friends. Nothing too exciting other than my feelings for Bosnia were about to explode and what made it worse was my sister left for India to teach English!

This is me pretending to hug my sister because she isn't here.

    October: I became a published author on Go Abroad! I spent more time writing, which I absolutely adore to do as well as going out with friends more and doing things I normally wouldn't. It's been wonderful.

    November: Began the month with the crushing news of the mass grave found in Bosnia, but I think I just made it worse when I went to All-Night Prayer at school and just found myself crying more than I should. But it was still good to be a part of. It was also Thanksgiving where we had the multitudes of foreigners (Brazilians and Canadians, plus an Alaskan who is practically Canadian so...) and it was such a fun weekend, especially when my team won the football game. I scored a touch down even!

  And December: This month has been productive, to say the least. School ended and all my friends flew out to their homes (I merely got picked up. Perks of living 45 minutes away) and since then I have been hanging out with my family and local friends, keeping up on my writing and helping around the church and home. Christmas was small because my sister was gone, but then I received news that my French host sister is coming to visit me in July!

   So here's to 2014. I don't know if it'll top 2012 or 2013 (both were pretty fabulous years), but I'm going to make the most of it. It may have been six months since the end of the best time of my life, but I'm planning on making 2014 better. I'm not sure how, but maybe with a look of optimism, I'll accomplish that.

    Anyway, cheers to the new year!

    Until 2014,
-Katie

P.S. Photo cred to the lovely Anna Wright, the wonderful Stephanie, and my own fantastic mother.

Being Connected

    When you read the news, sometimes you feel a little disconnected. Something happening in a country on the other side of the world that doesn't truly affect you, so you feel a bit sad for the people that are experiencing it, but otherwise you feel generally okay. Your city and country are doing quite well compared to others, no wars being fought within the borders, no immense and noticeable damage done. However, when you are connected to another country, the stories become more real and more apparent. You feel for those countries, even if you aren't in them. And that's something Exchange has done to me.

    Every time Bosnia and surrounding countries are brought up, I instantly get excited. However today was a different story.
    This evening, while I was enjoying a basketball game, my mom texted me the link to an article about the Bosnian War. Thinking it would be something a bit fascinating, I opened it, not ready for what was to be read.
     "Hundred of bodies found in Bosnia mass grave" it read at the top in big, bold, black lettering. My heart sank at the words. My mind flashed back to going to Srebrenica where thousands of graves were spread out, thousands of people murdered and dumped into a ditch. We watched videos of families after they figured out what happened to their fathers and sons and husbands. We read biographies of bodies they identified. None of us left that building feeling happy. There was a hole in our hearts and we were living so close to the place it happened. We all knew families that had been affected by the war.
    All of us were connected, which is why, as I read the article, I fell into a deeper slump.
    "231 bodies found."
    "Body parts of another 112 dug up."
    "The number increases by the day or even the hour."
    "Personal items found to help identify them."
    "Grave nearly 33 feet deep."
    "Mass grave under garbage disposal site."
    I kept reading, no matter how much it hurt. These bodies found were people. They had families and friends and here, nearly twenty years after the war, they are finally going to discover what happened to them and those wounds are going to be ripped open once again.

     All this hurts so much more than I expected it to hurt. I had been there. I lived there. Both history and current events become so much more real when they have faces and there are so many faces and stories I relate to those found bodies.
    I told one of my friend's this when I heard the news. She was sad, of course, as anyone is when they hear tragic stories of war, but she didn't understand the pain I was feeling as my heart reached out to those families who are going to discover what happened to their loved ones. My friends don't understand that  I stood in the empty tire factory where they told the villagers to come and they would be safe. But they used it as a way to get everyone together in one place. They separated the men and women and then took the men away and shot them all, even the boys. I stood in the place they were buried, looking out over a thousand white crosses. I saw the empty shells of houses that were bombed. I lived with a family who had to abandon their home and live in a refugee center. Their children are still bitter and angry today. That is why news like this is sad to me. They don't understand that I had been there, seen that, and felt things I never thought I would feel. Never before had I been connected to such tragic pasts and there I was standing in the midst of a genocide. It doesn't matter that it was almost two decades ago. I was connected now and it makes this all so real and painful.

My prayers go out to the families that will have to face the news in due course. I never thought exchange would come with such a burden so long after it's been over. I didn't know that everything that happened in that country was almost as if it was happening to me as well. Nobody told me how 
exchange could effect me like it is now.

A fraction of the names of people found in Srebrenica after the mass genocide.

Anyway, I hope this post gives a bit of food for thought to all who read it. Thanks to my mom for letting me use some of her wording explaining how I feel better than I ever could.

Until Bosnia pops up in the news again (hopefully for the good - wait! Bosnia made it to the World Cup! Yay!),
-Katie

Application Season

    Wow. It's actually crazy to think that it's that time of year again for students all over the States to fill out the application to go on YES Abroad. It barely felt like any time at all that I was filling out the application to come to Bosnia. And it feels almost less than that when I first applied in 2010 (I was rejected, in case anyone was wondering). This is the fourth application season I've gone through. Twice actually filling it out, once witnessing it from abroad, and now witnessing it from within the States after my own exchange.

    The application season is stressful, no doubt. You think you have four months to complete your application, which you do, and that seems like so much time! But then the holidays roll along and you get caught up in singing 'Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer' and eating turkey and next thing you know the application is due!
    I took all four months to complete the application. Whether it was switching in and out my pictures or editing my essays or getting good recommendations, I was constantly working on it. The first time I did it, I wasn't really thinking anything through (hence why I was rejected). My essays were short and incomplete, my pictures not really clear on what I did, and I didn't explain my extracurriculars well enough to give anyone a clear idea of what I liked to do. So! For you current applicants for 2014-2015 (what even. How.) I have some advice.

1. Get a second opinion. And I don't mean from one of your friends. I mean, go to your English or History teacher or parent/guardian or someone who knows what a good application looks like. They will help you make yourself sound wonderful (when I'm sure you all are ;) ) and having a well-crafted essay definitely helps. I got my mom to edit my essays with me, rewording things that didn't sound right or adding things I didn't think of and it turned my essays into wonderful little pieces of work.

2. Take your time. This is extremely important. Most people will want to book it out in a night or two, but taking your time is really key. You can go over essays and change things you don't like, add things that you've begun, and be overall satisfied with your finished works. Plus it diminishes the stress when you aren't thinking, "Oh gosh this needs to be done by tomorrow and I've only written a sentence and put my information in." If you can slowly go through everything, you'll be sure not to miss anything and get everything perfect.

3. Talk to alumni. Whether it's for your sake or your parents, it's always good to talk to people who have been on the program before. It makes you feel secure and comfortable with what you're doing, not to mention they give you great help during the entire process. I had my list of alumni I talked to and they encouraged me and helped me like some people just couldn't. They assure you things will be alright and push you to keep going. There is a Facebook group so be sure to join it! You'll find people just like you, too. :)

4. Research. You may not know a lot about YES Abroad or the countries you are applying to study in and the last thing you want happening is saying something along the lines of, "I want to study abroad, especially in a south east Asia country like Oman!" It just won't look right. Having a basic knowledge of the countries you want to study abroad in is always good to use so you can convince the reviewers that you really want this.

5. Write your essays carefully. Your essays will always be tricky. It's difficult sometimes to convey feelings into words, so definitely think them through and plan them. It's easy to start rambling and stray from the original topic. With the Host Family letter especially, be honest, definitely, but careful with your wording. Don't use popular American slang or idioms that won't translate well into the foreign language of your potential host country and family. Make it clear what kind of person you are, your hopes and dreams, your family, all while using clear language that can be translated well. Again, don't lie about yourself or make yourself sound better/worse than who you are. Get that second opinion to help you write an honest essay of how people perceive you, so your potential host family/country know you before they even get to meet you.

6. Really, really want this. YES Abroad is pretty crazy in knowing the people who really want this and who would be good for this program. This program isn't some easy vacation where you can chill the entire year. It's important you have real, honest reasons why you want to be a part of this program. You have to want to challenge yourself and be tested. Don't try painting yourself in this grandeur, making yourself sound better than you are because they will see through you in the interviews. Learn your reasons for going and voice them properly. Don't go on a social media site being a know-it-all and respect everyone else applying. You have to be good for this program and to be good for the program, you have to be good with everyone else.

    I hope this all helps and I wish luck to all the current applicants! Feel free to contact me on Twitter @KateWells7 or comment on my blog. Here's the link to the application: http://www.yes-abroad.org/pages/how-apply
 
    Anyway, I have to go write an article for www.goabroad.org where I'm soon going to be a published writer there! So crazy to think that.

    Until more advice and nostalgia,
-Katie

Missing Bosnia

    Hello again, I suppose it's been awhile, but I found it fitting.

    Over one year ago, I arrived Sarajevo, Bosnia-Herzegovina on the YES Abroad program. Since then I discovered a new culture, tasted different foods, stayed with a family, and lived a completely different life. Those ten months spent in Sarajevo were the best ten months I've ever lived, and I can say that honestly. The Hujdur family was the host family of dreams. They were the kindest people and the funniest and were so easy to love.  The culture was so diverse and unique and I learned so much about it (and yes, I probably annoy people when I spurt out random Bosnian facts). The language was a struggle, but with it I had some of the best (albeit simplest) conversations with people and it was the source of most of my laughter.

    Coming home was fine at first. I talked with all my friends from before and, initially, it felt like nothing changed. For awhile, everything was exactly the same and I fell back into the rhythm of Newberg life.
     And then... reverse culture shock hit. I didn't realize that reverse culture shock worked the exact same way as normal culture shock. A little bit when you first arrived, but not too bad, then things got normal, and then all of a sudden you are desperately wishing and hoping to be back in your host country, talking to your host parents, eating ćevapi in Baščaršija.

     Lately, missing Bosnia is like a rock in my stomach. It's not a new, exciting topic of conversation that I can blabble on about incessantly. It's no longer in the strange dream state where I'm still figuring out if I even did that. I spent my entire Senior year in Bosnia and it was wonderful and I want to not stop talking about it for the rest of my days. However, the fact of the matter is I can't always talk about it. People get bored or they don't care because, to them, they have no point of reference, these aren't their personal experiences. Finding someone who actually seems genuinely interested at this point in mid-September - three months after my exchange finished - is pretty rare, but I take that opportunity. And getting me to stop talking about Bosnia is not an easy feat.

    Now that I'm in college, I find things running very closely alike to my life in Bosnia. My parents aren't always there, I go to coffee shops to work on homework, I have to walk a lot of hills to get places (my campus is built on a hill. Lovely.), I'm making brand new friends, and re-establishing myself. And instead of giving me a brand new sense of adventure, I just feel Bosnia homesick. Skyping Nizama and Esad sure didn't help either. I found myself longing to be back in my cozy room upstairs with the wooden ceiling and the view that overlooked all of Sarajevo. I wanted to sit in their living room and have cake and coffee while we watched Farma and they made me laugh about everything.

    When I first came home, I was surprised how easily I slid back into my American lifestyle. Sure, I mentioned Bosnia quite a bit, but now that I'm more or less "fully" integrated, I just want to go back to being a bosanka (Bosnian).

     What I'm getting at is... I miss Bosnia. I miss everything about it, from my family to my friends to my walks around the city to the view to the bus rides. I miss it and it makes me terribly sad I can't go back this instant.

     Anyway, I know this is a downer post, but the feelings are real and it's all exchange related. Just know that exchange seriously does some stuff to you and it's not always easy to deal with.

    Until more Bosnia/exchange student thoughts,
-Katie

From the beginning...

...to the end.

Home Again

   Most of you are probably thinking that my blog entries were finished. I ended on a high note and finished with sentiment and I should stop while it feels right. But to me, it doesn't feel right. True, my exchange year is done, but there's so much more to it than just being in your host country.

    I've been home a little over three weeks. It doesn't seem like a lot of time, but so much has happened since I've arrived. But before I reach that, a few exchange related things.

    1) The final goodbyes. The drive to the airport that morning was weird. The sun was rising over the mountains and I said my last goodbye to my home for the past ten months. As we drove down the familiar road, Esad turned and asked me, "To school, right Katie?" and I laughed and said, "Yes of course!" Sadly, I wasn't going to school as we continued to drive across the city to the airport. Once there, we unloaded my suitcases and Esad looked at me and told me goodbye.
    "Goodbye?" I asked, thinking he'd be coming into the airport.
    "Yes, I have to go to work," was his reply and I didn't hesitate to give him a big hug as he kissed my cheek.
    "Ćao, moja Keti (goodbye, my Katie)." I gave him one last tight squeeze and waved goodbye as Nizama and I headed into the airport. There we found the other girls and their host families checking in when the thing we had all been dreading happened.
     Over. Weight. Luggage.

     All of us ended up with our suitcases open, rearranging items, pulling out the heavy clothing and boxes and adding them to carry-ons. Eventually we had everything perfected and checked our luggage through, booking it up to security where we had to rush goodbyes. That wasn't fun. I hugged Nizama tightly four times in-between hugging others and she told me, with tears in her eyes, I have to come back very, very soon. After a final hug goodbye, I headed through security, waved across the gate and boarded our plane.

    Helena sat beside me and we gazed, quite sadly, out the window as we departed from Sarajevo, Bosnia-Herzegovina; our home for the past ten months. The red roofs disappeared from view, the Dinaric Alps slowly dissolving underneath the clouds. Helena and I then found ourselves speaking random Bosnian just to console ourselves.
    Our plane landed in Vienna and we quickly found our gate, bought some lunch, got checked through, and boarded our flight to the U.S. of A!

    The flight was ten and a half hours long, so I won't give you a play-by-play of what we did. Mostly sleeping, eating, and watching Pokémon with Emma. We also met some Bosnian-Americans sitting across the aisle from us and it was nice to talk to them for a brief while.
     We eventually landed in DC, all of us excited, nervous, and pointing out every single different thing that America had and Bosnia didn't. The "trolley", that took us from one terminal to another (except it had leather seats, double the size, extremely clean. and everyone was speaking English), the advertisements in English, the customs guy saying, "Welcome home, Katie," and the sheer amount of shininess of American things. We all grouped together, quickly passed customs, grabbed our super overweight luggage, wrapped my Bosnian flag around my shoulders like a cape, and then headed out of the gate to find Skye!

l-r: Savannah, Anna, me, Helena, Emma

     2) Return Orientation. Once we were grouped, we loaded into a van and headed off to the hotel. Every second was us pointing out the window at a store and exclaiming excitedly about things we hadn't been able to do the entire time we were abroad. We arrived at our hotel and found the Morocco group in the lobby! It was a fun reunion, especially with all our stories to tell from ten months abroad.
    After checking in and dinner, we headed back up to the rooms f
or discussion on our past year. It was weird to talk about ten months worth of events. To look back on everything that had happened to us, good and bad. Bosnia was still in a dream state. It still didn't feel like twenty four hours before we were in a separate continent, let alone country.
     We wrapped up our Reentry Orientation and then discussed our presentation for the ECA the next day. Skye headed out around 11pm, leaving us to finish our presentation and then do Paper Plate Awards among ourselves. Each award was dead on and Anna should have won 'Best Pun Award' because oh my gosh they were prime. By 1 in the morning, all of us were dead on energy and jet lag hitting hard so we called it a night.

Morocco and BiH YES Abroad 2012-2013

     Next morning we were rushed off into a van and headed towards the ECA for our presentations. As we made our way in, we all expected different things of how it would be; most of us expecting a large auditorium with a giant crowd. Much to our liking, it was casual and relaxing in a small board room, allowing us to talk more than to present. Once finished discussing each of our countries and reminiscing on the still dream like place we were just in, we were awarded our Completion of Program awards that will definitely be hanging on my wall in due course.

    3) More goodbyes and more stress. Once we were done with our presentations, we began the last, worst step of exchange. Goodbyes to the four girls you just spent the last year with. Emma was first and we didn't have a lot of time to give her a real, true goodbye as SHAK was rushed away onto a shuttle bus and Emma taken away to where she was meeting her parents. It was sad to think that SHAKE was officially being broken apart as we waved away through the window as the bus pulled away. As we headed down the road towards the airport, I kept thinking, "Oh, I'll see Emma on Thursday when we have History," but then I remembered that I wouldn't be seeing Emma. At least for a very long time and that was upsetting.
     At the airport we began to check-in, however our group had tripled in size when we joined the returnee Lithuanian YES students and had to check in all together. That caused a bit of stress when everyone had to reorganize their luggage again because American luggage criteria were very different than Bosnian luggage criteria. So I began taking things out again and switching my heavy things out into my new State Department tote bag and, after a lot of work, I was able to check everything in. Once we were done and through security, we had to say goodbye to the Morocco kids who had a different gate than us.
    Eventually we reached our gate, bought lunch, and then next thing we knew, Savannah had to catch her flight. More hugs, some tears, and then Savannah was out of sight and we were down to HAK. We finished our lunch, talked about going home and already missing Bosnia, Skyped my mom briefly, and then it was Anna's turn to leave. I wasn't enjoying the cutting down of SHAKE. We hugged each other tightly, more tears were shed, as we watched Anna board her plane and then it was down to me and Helena. We waited at Helena's gate, speaking Bosnian because hearing so much English was weird, until it was her turn to board her plane and I needed to head off to my gate because it was far down a corridor. With much dread, SHAKE was officially dispersed, heading towards our separate corners of America.
     My plane was a bit delayed as I waited with anticipation and a bit of anxiety to get on my flight and get to Portland. While I waited in line, however, I found myself eavesdropping into everyone's conversations because I still found it so strange to hear so much English. Finally we boarded and took off and I was on my way home.

     4) The hellos! The entire flight home, I slept. Which I found strange, considering how many emotions I was going through. But it was good, because in the end it completely eliminated my jet lag. When the plane landed, I felt my entire stomach erupt in jitters as I waited to get off the plane and run to where my family would be waiting. The hallway was practically empty and probably not very long, but it felt like I was maneuvering around everyone and it was a mile long. Finally I reached the edge, my brother yelling my name as loudly as he could until I spotted my parents, sister, and one of my brothers (the other was in New York). Lots of hugs, smiling, and kisses. We then made our way downstairs to baggage claim, I being perfectly content with everyone who came to get me chattering aimlessly about anything that happened to me in the past 48 hours. We waited for my bags when I noticed my mom standing sort of awkwardly, trying to snap a picture that nobody was really in.
    "Mom? What are you doing?" I asked her, very confused of how she was maneuvering around people.
    "I'm taking pictures."
    "Of what? Nobody is in your shot."

Charity and I!

    "No, it was just the way you were all lined up, but then Anna moved," she told me.
    "But Anna's right there, Tyler's over there. Mom, what are you doing?" I asked her again when she was still trying to take a picture. Tyler huffed and pointed to the side where I turned and found Charity! My hands flew to my shocked face as I exclaimed excitedly, "Oh!" then turned and noticed her sister, Esther and shouted again, "oh!" and then grabbed both of them and hugged them, as I hadn't done so in those past ten months. I then noticed Ashley and Tim (family friends) and concluded that this night couldn't get any better.
     We gathered the rest of my luggage and then, after I said I was awake enough, we went out for ice cream at Salt & Straw in Portland, before heading home while I was riding an emotional high. At home, I found my Grammy sitting in the living room waiting for me and I found this a good time to give out gifts from Sarajevo. Around midnight I found my body crashing and decided it would be a good time for me to go to sleep.

     5) Summer and settling in. Since I've arrived, I've had even more hellos, especially when I visited Canada from our family friend's wedding and stayed with my best friend as we had adventures. I've been keeping myself decently busy and am always more than happy to answer any questions people have about Bosnia. However, I've gotten some Frequently Asked Questions, so I decided it would be best if I answer them here:

    a) How was Bosnia? Bosnia was fantastic! I loved it all so much. But don't expect me to say more than that. You give me a broad question, you will get a broad answer.

    b) What was your favorite/least favorite experience? Again, I can't go through ten months of events and pick out one experience that was the best or worst. Instead I'll give you five or six, like Travnik with my host family was amazing, the youth events with my church were so much fun, getting extremely sick on Christmas and my birthday was not fun, and losing my wallet and both my cameras was definitely not a good experience. But that was my own fault, so I can't really blame anyone on that.

    c) Do you miss Bosnia? OF COURSE I MISS BOSNIA. Nizama sent me an e-mail two weeks ago saying how they miss me and then a certain song comes on that reminds me of a certain event or simply my walks to school. I miss my friends, I miss my host family, I miss History (even if my teacher scared me to death), I miss cevapi (more than I care to admit), and I just miss Bosnia.

    d) Did you learn the language? Yes? No? Sort of? I could communicate alright, but there is no way I could have a complete conversation without a lot of errors.

   e) Are you happy to be back? It's a bittersweet feeling. Of course I am happy to see my friends and families and be able to go in a store and actually be able to ask for help without miming things or praying that someone will speak English. I've been home for three weeks and four days and, while some things feel very familiar, life still feels a bit off at times. I feel like I need to do my daily walks into town for school, I feel like I should be speaking Bosnian with Nizama and scolding Irfan. I feel like I should meet up for coffee at Bombon or go bum around BBI or Baščaršija.
     My exchange doesn't feel like it should be completely done... but it is.
     And so I move along, off to PBC and *hopefully* greater things. More world travels, more people, more experiences. I've done a lot for an 18 year old, but like Ariel, I want mooorrreee.
     I'm happy to be back and now I'm settling into life a bit more, even if I do sometimes yell random phrases in Bosnian.

     And now, after a week and a half in Newberg, then a week and a half in Edmonton, and finally back in Newberg (and in my own room! Ahhhh!), I like to say I've readapted and Bosnia is out of dream state and I can say with confidence, "I did that," and I can picture everything perfectly inside my head and enjoy everything that happened there, especially as I look pack on diary entires, blog posts, and pictures. I miss and love Bosnia and I'm sad that I'm not there anymore, but I'm happy to be home again.

    Anyway, don't expect this to be the last blog post, because I may or may not write again if something happens like our anniversary or exchange advice. We'll see. I have some ideas.

    Until you come back again,
-Katie

Doviđenja i Vidimo Se

    So here we are. Sitting at our computers, witnessing the end of my exchange. Maybe I've become too attached to this blog, I've overly enjoyed telling you about my day-to-day life, but here you are reading it. And I thank you for that. So let's do this together and finish up my last few days here.

    Friday marked the last day of high school I will ever have to attend. From that day on, I am officially a high school graduate and now moving on to bigger and better things aka COLLEGE. I'll be attending Portland Bible College in Portland, Oregon and I am super excited for that. After that, I'm not sure. I just hope it involves a lot of writing and a lot of traveling.
     After school finished, I donated my unwanted clothes and books to the office and turned in my cell phone which provided a huge problem because from then on out, I had no way of communicating with the other girls. Eventually we hunted each other down through Facebook and other friends' phones and eventually I met up with Savannah and we headed over to Helena's house to help set up her present to her host family. Once that was finished, her host family arrived almost minutes after and insisted we have ice cream, cake, coffee, and juice to celebrate. Already so much food and we hadn't even arrived at the main event!
    A while later, we set off to meet our favorite Swiss-Italian from school, Lorenzo, who invited us over for homemade, legit Italian pizza. Needless to say, it didn't take much to convince us to come over. Once at his extremely gorgeous house (I'm not even kidding, all of us kind of died when we saw how nice it was), we began working. And by 'we', I mean Lorenzo started the pizza and Helena and Emma started dessert, Savannah was on music duty, and I sat around waiting for someone to tell me to do something. Eventually I got to set the table and I didn't feel useless, aimlessly wandering the main floor looking at their library (with books in English, French, and Italian. There might have been a German book in there, I don't remember).
    Once the pizza was ready, we sat down to eat, but not before making Lorenzo read Dante's Inferno to us in Italian. I think I speak on behalf of all of SHAKE when I say that was one of the highlights of the evening. We have been waiting for him to speak Italian all year. And it finally happened.

Deciding the movie and reading random books.

    We finished up dinner, just as Lorenzo's parents were leaving for their date night and we did a quick meet and greet before getting a tour of their house, which led us to find Lorenzo's baby pictures and all of us laughing at our Baby Italiano. The top floor was this attic space with a really awesome turtle that Savannah was particularly interested in and that's where we ended up hanging out for the majority of the night.
    After securing the turtle when we left the top off the cage and Savannah asked, "can turtle climb out?", we headed back downstairs to watch Galaxy Quest, a sort of parody of Star Trek and Star Wars. Half way through the hilariously nerdy movie, Lorenzo's mom called to tell us they would give us a ride home which resulted us in hearing Lorenzo speak French. All of SHAKE went into this sort of weird mode; me fangirling, Helena in this jealous attitude, Emma giggling, and Savannah kind of like, "oh my gosh this is cool."

    We finished up Galaxy Quest and then headed back up to the attic for more chilling, weird conversations, and lots of jokes and laughter, until his parents were home and we all loaded into the car to head home, but not before his mom told us that we were welcome to stay in any of their homes whenever we visited, whether it was Switzerland, Italy, or Bosnia; we had a place.
     I was the first to be dropped off, which was sad, because that resulted in me being the first good bye. It was sad, Lorenzo being one of the first true friends I was saying good bye to. We hugged goodbye, made promises to Facebook and Skype each other, and then waved goodbye as I headed into my house.

    Then came Saturday! Busy, busy day. It started off with me meeting up with Helena to finish up gift shopping and grabbing our last cappuccino in Baščaršija. Oh sad day! Once the rain stopped and I bought my Bosnian flag, we headed out to Anna's house for a barbecue of ćevapi and chicken, with cake for dessert. It was nice to all hang out together before we take off tomorrow and just talk with Anna's host family. Our friend, Amila, joined us, which then added to our hard goodbyes, especially when she handed us all cards. We hugged tightly and then went our separate ways; her to the main part of the city and I to Megan's house (a friend from church). Again, the house was absolutely stunning and I got a happy, talkative taxi driver on the way over, which always makes things better. There we had girls night with six other girls from church, sitting around the dinner table eating a traditional Swiss dinner of cheese, potatoes, and meat, with small dishes of fruit and vegetables to grab and slip on your plate. We all had a great time, talking and laughing about guy stories, weird adventures, and Megan's irrational ginger fear. We drank our coffee and ate Swiss chocolate (oh my gosh so goooood.) and lounged around with their overly excited dog, Hana.
   

     Eventually, the evening came to a close as all of us became fairly tired and again I had to say a permanent goodbye to Megan. She offered her home as another place to stay and I was so very grateful that I was able to meet her and hang out with her, even if it was only for a few times.

    And then there was today. My last day at Evanđeoska Crkva. My last day walking down my mountain. My last day taking the bus home. My last day hanging out with some of the best friends I could have made.
     I walked into church today in a weird sort of daze. Immediately I found Jovana and David and was especially excited to see Becca who I didn't think was going to make it. Moments later, Selma and Nađa walked through the doors and the majority of our teen group was there. When the service began, Pastor Slavko asked me to come up so they could pray for me and asked if I wanted to say anything. I began to thank them for welcoming me in their church and, although I wanted to continue, cut short with a simple thank you again because I felt my voice start quavering and my eyes begin to fill with tears. How did I know this was going to happen? Slavko then asked the teen group up to pray for me and I felt my lip tremble more.
     Nobody could possibly understand how much these kids have meant to me and how they impacted my exchange. They were my friends when I didn't know anyone else, they helped me out with the language without contempt, and I could not have asked for better friends while I was here. Jovana handed me a small book that the teen group made for me, with notes written from all of them and pictures of my time with them. I never realized how much exactly I was involved with the church, but as I flipped through the book and saw pictures of us in Mostar together, at the Christmas and Easter concerts, at special Teen Group days with guests, and out for coffee. These kids have made my life here incredible and I love them all so much.

    After they were done praying for me, I hastily wiped the tears forming at my eyes and smiled, knowing that would be the hardest part of my day. Surprisingly goodbyes are usually fast and painless, but when people who mean so much to you, pray for you and tell you how much of a blessing you are, it's hard and it hurts, but it makes you feel so loved that you don't mind.

    The service progressed and once it ended only meant one thing: more goodbyes. I began my rounds and began hugging the many friends I made over the past eight months. Then we (Jovana, David, Becca, Nađa, Selma, and I) decided to go out for lunch and meet up with Rahel who was at her friends house. We set off and I waved goodbye to the church that I've come to love more than I thought I could. Together, we wandered around the city until we made up our minds of where we wanted to eat, dying in the heat of the day (of course the day before I leave the weather is perfect). We settled on chicken sandwiches and sat around for about an hour, eating and talking; back and forth between English and Bosnian which I was proud to say I understood quite a bit of.
    And then the first goodbyes came. Rahel and Becca had to head home, so I gave them each a tight squeeze and handed them their cards and waved them away as they boarded the tram. The rest of the group came with me to my bus stop and we talked and tried not to focus on the fact that this was our last time seeing each other until either they visited me or I came back to Sarajevo. Slavko then pulled up and told the group that he would take them all home. Realizing this was our goodbye, I sprung to my feet and hugged everyone tightly, not wanting to let them go. At least we have technology now so we can keep in touch. Sometimes, I really, really love Facebook and Skype.
     Once they left, I waited and then got on my bus, realizing this was my last bus ride and the last walk from the bus stop to home. I was still in my haze, not quite comprehending what this all was. Coming towards the house I saw Esad and Mugdim working on the car and then passed Nizama bringing some stuff downstairs, just a quick passing. Moments after I was in my room, Irfan came knocking, telling me he was going out for the night and wouldn't see me off tomorrow. We hugged goodbye and I told him that he was a great host brother and that I was glad he was mine and then followed through with saying if he were to get another host sibling next year, that I would be his favorite, which he laughed and nodded in agreement.
     Then the evil task of finishing packing began. I can't remember how many times I added and removed certain items, debating if something should be in my carry-on or suitcase, if this could squeeze in this corner or not. I am now content with my loaded suitcases, but Nizama said that if I can lift it, it shouldn't be over 23 kilos. I can't tell if that's a compliment or a diss... how much can a normal person lift usually? We then talked a bit of how it was sad that I'm leaving and how she's going to miss "moja Keti." Nizama, I just love you, ok?

    This past year has been, without a doubt, the best year of my life and I can't believe it's coming to a close. Tomorrow morning I board a plane to take me back over the Atlantic and to DC and then the day after I'm on a plane to Portland. It's strange seeing how far I've come from that terrified student who decided that going to Bosnia by herself was a fabulous idea. Back when I took one look at my language books and thought, "oh dear, what have I gotten myself into?" and then stared at pictures of Sarajevo on Google for days on end and thought Sarajevo was pronounced with a hard 'j'.
     I couldn't have done this year without so many people and I thank all of you who took in a part, especially YES Abroad for choosing me to go and the State Department for funding this incredible exchange. My family and friends both here and abroad have helped me day to day, whether with support in any kind or simply being there when I wanted to talk about something random.
      I'm leaving with such a different view than the one I came with and even more than that. I'm leaving with a family I didn't know a year ago, friends I didn't have, and a home I couldn't have dreamed of. This year has been so fulfilling and so incredible and I cannot wait to share it with everyone. I hope to tell everyone about Bosnia and YES Abroad and bring all these cultures together.
     And I'm excited to see what the future holds. So many things that I don't know or care about right now could be coming up in my path soon and I am anxious to see what happens.

     Anyway, thank you all for joining me on this adventure and take care.

     Until something fantastic happens,
-Katie (Sarajevo, Bosna-Hercegovina, YES Abroad 2012-2013)

Ja sam bosanka i ja volim Bosni.